What’s helping

Thanks to all of you, and I’m sorry if it scared you. I think it’s scary too.

But it’s real, and like any issue, there are things that help alleviate the darkness. I wanted to make a list of what’s helping right now so I can look back and either add things or remember things that bring me joy today. So here they are in no particular order.

Seeing the sun rising as I drive to work

Daylight savings time

Awesome friends that keep inviting me places and treat me like a regular human being

Naps with Ginger

Snuggling with cats

Encircling my girl with my arms, telling her I love her, and she doesn’t resist

Sharing my chair with my boy while he shows me his Minecraft house

Sharing my kids’ triumphs

Running outside

Sleeping in

Because of the way the mental health care system works, I don’t have an appointment until the second week in April. And as any high functioning depressive will tell you, we don’t usually decide to make the call until we’ve already tried everything else. So I’m doing what most people struggling with depression do.

I’m going to work, driving to practice, fulfilling most obligations, making dinner once in a while, showering, washing my hair, going to my kids’ events, being polite and kind to my students, friends and neighbors, and sleeping… kind of. But I’m taking things day by day, or hour by hour, or breath by breath.

And right now, it’s ok.

Thank you to all who let me know in so many ways that you care. And if you didn’t say anything because it’s awkward or you didn’t know what to say, it’s ok. It’s taken me 13 years to be able to talk about it, and I still do a shitty job and don’t completely understand it.

Right now I’m just going to do things that make me smile and feel good. And if that includes destroying a box of Entenmann’s chocolate covered donuts, so be it.

Self-care, y’all.

2 thoughts on “What’s helping

  1. I hate winter because I cannot see the sun, because it’s cloudy or crappy out most of the time. I hate the cold weather because it makes me feel like crap. People wonder why I’m such a sun worshipper, despite all the horrible things that sunlight does to your skin and the risks of cancer. It’s because I need SOMETHING to make me feel better and often times, lying in the sun reading or listening to music or a podcast is exactly what I need to feel halfway normal again.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I understand everything you’ve said. I’ve had depression for about 25 years and struggle with it daily. Sometimes I have very bad days others are great. I also need to get out a decent about everyday even if it’s for aong walk. I also love the sunshine. Great Post. By talking your highlighting depression for the ones that need to know they are not alone x

    Like

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