I’m SO introverted…

When I first discovered I was more of an introvert and proclaimed this to my friends, they laughed. And I don’t blame them because I have known them for more than half my life and it takes me that long to get comfortable enough to be myself. 

When I only know people for say, 20 years, I don’t know the boundaries. Can I call you my bitch and you won’t be offended? Can I make blow job jokes? Can I say “fuck” in front of you? 

These are the tough questions. And these are also why I tend to avoid people so as to save as many awkward silences as possible. 

True confessions:

1. I sometimes hide upstairs in my bedroom to cuddle cats while my kids have their friends over. 

2. I have turned my classroom light off and locked my door on my prep to avoid socializing. 

3. I have gone to Bikram yoga just to have 90 minutes of silence. 

4. I skipped my kickboxing classes two summers ago and went to Starbucks to read instead. To hide it, I still wore my workout clothes. 

5. I am writing this while in the middle of a splash park with my kids so I look busy and unapproachable. 

6. I have gotten migraines just because I was stressed about going out that night. 

7. I used to travel alone once a year just to recharge and be anonymous. Glorious Saugatuck weekends in the off season. 

8. I only started running so I could have alone time. I am super slow and don’t care. 

9. I have lied about having plans rather than go out. But in my defense, sleeping is a plan. 

10. I always want to drive so I have an escape. And control. 

11. When the doorbell rings, I have crouched down and crawled like a ninja in my own home to avoid detection. 

12. I will put off making phone calls for weeks to avoid talking to strangers. This is partly why I am now 19 months late for my mammogram. 

13. I drink just about every time I finish a post because otherwise I’d never be able to let others read these. Tonight’s delight is a Bloody Mary with a beer chaser. 

I enjoy company and friends, just not all the time. I wish I was the “cool” house where I entertained endlessly and hosted large barbecues and dinner parties, but it’s just not in my DNA. I’d have to sleep for a week after to recharge. 

So maybe in another 22 years, we’ll be good like that. I’ll make dick jokes and you’ll laugh, I’ll call the other team’s coach a douchebag and you’ll nod in agreement, and I’ll make pussy jokes while petting my cat. Until then, I’ll keep it strictly professional. 

I promise. 

2 thoughts on “I’m SO introverted…

  1. One of us. One of us. One of us.

    Seriously, once I got over the shame of being an introvert (which is so fucked up to even have to do), the next phase has been learning to own it. And to stand up for my introvert needs. Talk about exhausting. But totally worth it. ❤

    Like

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